life’s a picnic

what’s up eliza?

Give me an F!

F!

Give me an A! 

A!

Give me a T!

T!

What does that spell??

NICOLE!!!

I’m obese. I need to be thin. God help me. It’s like mission impossible. 

In other news, i totally forgot about this blog yet again. And i only just now mustered the determination to not let it waste away. 

I’m so tired. I have insomnia at night nowadays. I can’t sleep till it’s three or four in the morning, which also means i sleep in incredibly late. But of late, i’ve been needing to awake early in the morning because of various appointments. Unfortunately, the resulting tiredness does nothing to help me sleep earlier. I’m left to roll around aimlessly in bed waiting for the release of sleep. I’m so extraordinarily sick of being so tired but not sleeping. I think i should go to a sleep clinic. 

Watching The Tudors last night for hours on end, i was truly surprised at myself that i cried when Thomas More left his family and knew he was headed toward martyrdom. I kept rewinding and rewatching the parts where he told his children to be good and kissed his wife. AHHH!! I completely drenched my tissue. If i tried squeezing it, i could probably have gotten a decent amount of tears out of it. Why am i such a wuss?? 

Regrettably, i haven’t known how to download stuff for the longest time. Everyone around me seems to have access to free movies, computer games, applications, music, the whole works. Yet i have nothing. I’ve googled it before (and still do occasionally) but the instructions always seem to perplex me. Subsequent to the googling, i never fail to be filled  with a feeling of inadequacy since everyone else seems to have the ability to grasp them. All this failure to comprehend can be rather disheartening, as you can imagine. All i know is that downloading involves something called torrents. And for the sake of not getting caught trying to maliciously learn an illegal practice, i shall use codewords here. Henceforth, torrent = flood and download = borrow permanently. So, i know that before one can borrow permanently any movies/music/whatever, one first has to borrow permanently a flood. And then one uses an application which will turn the flood into a movie/music/whatever. Voila! Apparently, that still is too much for my limited facilities to fathom. I don’t know how that works and probably remain the only person on the face on the earth who doesn’t. How and where does one obtain a flood?? And what about that elusive application? 

Alas! The ants in my house have learnt to swim!! Just the other day, i had some donuts that i couldn’t finish and so made a contraption that would have kept the ants at bay. There i was with my smug little smirk on my face thinking the ants of little intelligence would be able to traverse the treacherous moat that i built around my donuts which where further elevated above the moat by a cup. But oh, little did i know! I found, to my horror, the next day that there were ants having a fiesta, with my donuts as their partying ground! I remain to this moment utterly bewildered as to how the ants succeeded on their vile mission of annihilating my donuts. I’ve mulled it over (no, i don’t actually have a better way to while away my time) and have come to the conclusion that there is no conceivable explanation for the little monstrosities penetrating my impregnable donut fortress other than the possibility that they have learnt how to swim! Horror of horrors. Now i am left to devise a new strategy of depriving them of what they desire so dearly – which sadly, many a time, happen to be the same things i desire so dearly – since they have learnt to navigate bodies of water. 

I suppose that concludes this post, and this blog for that matter. (For it really is likely i will forget about it again!) I think i’m getting better at this short post business though. Hooray for you. Till (maybe) next time, xoxo. 

Happy Belated Nicolean Day! When I was in Secondary 3 I think, I formed my own society: the Nicolean Society. And I designated a day, the 6th of April, to be Nicolean Day. We were supposed to have fun and do silly things on that day. And because we were in dire need of more holidays after that, we decided on a Nicolean week, extending the festivities for a whole seven days! I know it sounds awfully stupid, but excuse us because we were still 15! I actually forgot all about my own day, and it wan’t until Anthea texted me yesterday wishing me a ‘Happy Nicolean Day!’ that all the silly but fond memories came back to me. I really miss going to school at MG. 

Now this is probably the happiest moment of the week – I’m proud to say that I have rediscovered the best place to sit on a cold day: right next to the dryer. I used to do this all the time as a little kid but I suppose I forgot all about it. Not only does it keep you warm, it also kind of mesmerises you. I’ve always been fascinated by how the washing machine and the dryer toss and spin clothes around. I love watching them work. Yes, I know it’s queer but try it! It’s rather soothing really, the lulling hum that they make. Just the other day, I sat for slightly more than an hour in the laundry room and watched my bed sheets get washed and dried. It really is intriguing and I lose track of time evidently.

Saturday was Dee’s birthday and we all had to bring something for her surprise breakfast at her house. So, I had the most brilliant idea and decided to embark on my maiden baking adventure! I rummaged through all the cookbooks in my house (the fact that I have so many cookbooks at home is astounding considering everyone in my house except my maid can cook for nuts) and finally picked out Honey Jumbles! Sounds delish already, eh? That’s because it is! I can hardly believe I made them. So my maid made a list for the stuff we’d need to buy and I went grocery shopping all by myself. I walked all the way to the Cluny Court Cold Storage and bought lemons, clear honey and demerara sugar (Bet you don’t know what that is! Well, neither do I. It just looks like regular sugar to me.) And then, just because of my inborn good nature, I went up to Tierney’s to get ham, obviously for something else, and not for my cookies. So anyway, I got back and we were in business! There were so many steps involved and I got so confused. Oh, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GRATE LEMONS?? How cool is that! Apparently, you don’t buy the lemons for the stuff inside it, you buy it for the rind! Interesting. I don’t remember what exactly I did, but I do remember accidentally grating my fingers a few times. And I remember brushing honey on the cookies and sprinkling the demerara sugar all over them!

Speaking of Dee’s breakfast party, I ate till I was about to explode. I consumed so much that I couldn’t eat the rest of that day, and the whole of the next day. How crazy is that? I’d usually be famished by then, but surprisingly I felt absolutely fine. I think the sugar content in that breakfast alone probably sustained me for the entire 48 hours. That’s why. But when I finally felt starved when I woke up on Monday afternoon, I ate so fast at an unbelievable pace that my throat hurt so bad half way through. And it’s still hurting now. Maybe it’s because nothing’s been down that throat for quite a while, but I think it’s probably because I wasn’t chewing as much as I should’ve. I felt so queasy after that. But the whole episode was kind of amusing, I suppose.

And you know how I know for sure that I don’t have an eating problem? Because I’m a chocoholic – and a ridiculous one, at that. If ever I should fall into an eating disorder, the way to bring me back to normalcy would be to simply present me with some good chocolate and I’d be on the road to fatness once again! I’m going completely berserk now that it’s Easter season and all sorts of chocolate are on the market. I’ve increased the variety of Easter eggs I have at home now, plus I’ve discovered that Cadbury makes dessert-flavoured chocolates. Isn’t that just wicked? Words cannot express my elation. Seriously. So far I’ve crème brulee and I was right on the money, when I guessed just how fabulous it would be. Of course, there is a downside to this preposterous habit. After stuffing myself, I feel guilty as ever and feel like I need to wash it down with litres and litres of water and detox tea. So I basically station myself at the water dispenser on the fridge till I can taste the chocolate no more. Which means a lot. I take in so much fluid then, that I have to pee an average of four or five times at intervals of five minutes. It makes me feel even worse because I become so unbelievably bloated, but at least I know that the sugar and fat in me is being diluted. I know it’s still the same amount of fat intake, but it just seems better if it’s washed down. I know I really should be cutting down if I want to do something about losing fat, but something messes with my head every time chocolate crosses my line of vision. It’s tragic.

HELP! There’s something wrong with my left ear. Every time I yawn, it pops. And I don’t mean pop, like ears should pop in an airplane. I mean like I can hear a little popping sound inside of my ear. Mark Lui says he thinks my eardrums are sucked in, and I shudder at the thought of what that might mean.

My maid JUST smacked a bee on the glass door. And I can’t believe I was so senseless that the first thing I thought of and was afraid of was bee juice splattering onto me, when I really should’ve thought of a) The bee not dying. b) The bee returning with a vengeance. c) The glass door shattering. d) The bee family coming back for revenge. Well, at least I thought of these with hindsight!

Fact of the day: Bus 280 = Taxi. According to Eliza, this is common knowledge, but I beg to differ. I’m sure many of us have no idea what a bus 280 is. I know I certainly didn’t. I thought it was just another bus, with nothing special about it.

So I guess this is a wrap. I’m sad to say that the long posts have indeed returned. Apologies. 

I shall endeavor to make this a short post. Think i can do it? 

EASTER EGGS ARE IN STOCK!!! I’m starting the stocking up right now so that they’ll last me till next easter! I’ve already got four different varieties of them. And all are scrumptious and absolutely addictive. You guys should do the same. You’ll thank me later.

I just ate a honey banana. Now, you might be wondering what that is. I’ll tell you: it’s the only way i’ll ever eat a banana. I hate bananas. But i will eat it when it’s drizzled all over with honey, covered with rainbow hundreds and thousands, with two triangular wafers (the ones they use with ice cream) stuck into the sides, and a gummy bear stuffed into it so that it looks like a banana airplane with a gummy bear pilot. If i’m greedy, there’ll be co-pilots (or maybe some passengers!). I know it’s childish and silly, but try it!! The thrill of turning a banana into an airplane is superlative. Plus, it doesn’t taste half bad; i literally lick the plate clean! You won’t feel the same about ordinary bananas again, that i assure you. 

I was just watching Nickelodeon and learnt that Spongebob is 10 YEARS OLD! That’s ancient! I can’t believe he’s more than half my age. That’s amazing. Am i the only one who didn’t realise a decade of Spongebob just flew us by? 

Has anyone else noticed the pain-in-the-ass flu bug that’s been wreaking havoc lately? Well, i’ve caught it or more appropriately, it caught me. My nose is perpetually stuffy and i’m coughing so bad it hurts. Other than that though, i’m feeling surprisingly fine considering i’m under the weather. That’s a great silver lining. 

Finally, something i’m really excited about: Earth Hour. It’s the world’s first ever global election between earth and our arch enemy, global warming, and you can VOTE EARTH by switching your lights off for an hour on the 28th of March from 8.30pm to 9.30pm. In other words, by leaving your lights on, you can unwittingly or wittingly VOTE GLOBAL WARMING. I’m sure none of us wants to do that, so try turning your lights out for an hour! I’m certain it won’t be that hard. The results of the election will be presented at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009 and we need a billion votes in order to convince world leaders that action needs to be taken against global warming. Please consider doing this; it’s an excellent cause and we really do need to save our earth. Go to http://www.earthhour.org (sorry i can’t link it, but i don’t know how) to find out more or even better: join the movement! Our planet’s worth saving, everyone! It’s the only home we have! I know it’s painfully cheesy, but every one of us can make a difference. 

I have now come to the end of my post. I have to say i’m really proud of myself that i managed to keep it relatively short. I guess i can do it. Way to go, me!

PS. Remember Earth Hour! 

I’m only blogging today thanks to Nureen, who reminded me that i actually have a blog. I forgot about it for a while. I think i’m a terrible blogger. I hardly update this thing. At the most, i do it twice a month and when i do, it’s just a haphazard mess of stuff that i think of. If i ever wrote my essays this way, i’d fail miserably. Anyhow, thinking of Reeno, i’m wondering now what exactly it is that she does at that job of hers. Apparently, it’s just her, the boss and the secretary because it’s a new bank. She gets her own little room, is online almost the whole day and tries to play weird shooting games on the keyboard. What do you do, Hassan? I feel rather proud of myself today for making her day at work a more bearable one. In spite of her making fun of me and laughing at me without any reason whatsoever, i take solace in the fact that i was the undisputed highlight of her day. 

Know what i’d love? I’d love to have a vacation home Down Under. I’ve always been in love with the atmosphere there – it’s just beachy and laidback to the max. Plus, there’s cool animals too. Kangaroos, koalas, platypi. I have a cousin who has a house in Sydney so close to Bondi beach and it’s just lovely when i stay there. He wakes up every morning and goes surfing. Not that i want to surf, but i love the smell and sound of the beach. So when i go stay, i just sit on the sand and people-watch (and also make a feeble attempt at the tousled beach hair look). Another thing i love about Australia is that you can get avocado sandwiches everywhere! I usually end up having them for breakfast at a quaint little cafe by the beach. Sometimes i even have them for lunch too. It’s great how you can find them at the cafe round the bend as well as at some posh, fancy place you can go to for tea. Oh, and i absolutely love the milkshake at this place called Piccadilly Cafe in Sydney. It’s the best milkshake i’ve had in my life. Strangely, Australian Chinese food is my favourite kind of Chinese food. Ditto for Turkish food. But that’s not really fair, considering i haven’t actually been to Turkey and tried the genuine cuisine. I shall endeavor to go someday soon. 

I think i’m one hell of a noisy typer. Maybe it’s because the keyboards i use at home don’t make noise even when i bang on them. But when i use different keyboards when i’m not at home, i make so much noise. I just hope i don’t end up with a desk job when i grow up and work with intolerant people who will throw their staplers at me. Yikes.

Here’s a bunch of stuff i’m thinking about now:

Valentine’s Day is making me think of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116. I know it’s overly and unrealistically romantic and cliche, but it still makes my heart melt every time. Go check it out if you don’t know it. It’s so poignant. 

Yep, i’m a lonely heart this year. BUT! I had much more than compensation in the fantastic shopping i indulged in today! That being said, i think i’m beginning to have a bit of a problem. I’m not sure, but i may be seriously addicted to shopping. I need to get my fix like every other day. And the particularly dreadful part is that there are only so many places one can shop in good old Singapore. Looks like i’ll have to graduate to shopping overseas now. By the way, i refuse to consider myself a shopaholic. Not only because i don’t like the word but also, it reminds me of the silly airheads like the girls in The Bergdorf Blondes. (Yes, i’ll admit i did read the book. But only because the cover was pretty. The inside of it, however, wasn’t nearly as good.) I much prefer the term ‘temporary compulsive shopper’. Temporary. I fully intend to outgrow this habit. It’s just a matter of time. But for now, as an outcome of this rather unhealthy habit, i have a warehouse of new clothes at home now that i mightn’t even wear! You’d think that would deter me. Regrettably, it seems i have developed ridiculous resolve to sustain this most unfortunate addiction. I find myself determined to wear all the new clothes i’ve bought. I marvel at myself being so intent upon creating opportunities and excuses to wear them. The rough estimates of outstanding clothes i have yet to find time to throw on myself are as follows: 9 tops, 2 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 5 dresses, a sweater and goodness knows what else. I’d say i’m doing pretty well already. I’m fairly impressed that there isn’t a skirt in the list there! If only i could just stop now. Sadly, i am planning my next shopping escapade as i’m typing. It’s making me more excited. Good golly, i need help. 

In other news, both the folks are complaining that i’m fat. Bummer. So i’ve decided to take exercise. I even surprised myself. There’s usually nothing i love more than to slump into a lump and waste away, but maybe it’s the realisation that i would eventually become a bigger and more unsightly lump as time passes with my very indifferent inactivity. I now jump on my trampoline for about an hour a day some days and then swim at night some days. I’m also considering taking some classes in kickboxing, or ballroom dancing. The huge downside to all this exercise is that now i’m aching all the time. You can’t imagine what it feels like to get off the trampoline after one hour and walk on solid ground. I walk funny for a long time, with my knees giving way as and when they darn well please. It hurts like hell when i bend my knees and it scares the bejesus out of me, because i think of what’s going on inside my knee. Maybe the cartilage is spoiling. Or the fluid in between my joints is drying up. (I actually used that as an excuse not to take PE once. I insisted to Mark Ng that ‘Sir, i can’t do PE because my knee joints are dried up! There’s no more fluid in there!’. The silly thing is that he actually did let me skip PE. Maybe it’s karma.) Please note, if you couldn’t already tell  from my ignorant assumptions of biology, that i haven’t the slightest clue how the inside of a knee works. This is just how i imagine it works. 

I want a pet hedgehog! They are the most adorable little things EVER. You need to see them. I love how their bodies are so round and spiky but their legs are so skinny. 

Everyday nowadays i have a headache in the evening. It happens between 5 and 7, and it feels awful! I hate headaches. So. Much. Well, so does everyone else. But i’ve been having them everyday! And at the same time. Today’s episode is particularly frightening, since it’s now 1am, i’m watching The Best of Saturday Night Live, and my head still hurts. It didn’t go away today. Which explains why i’m not somewhere fun celebrating Valentine’s. Besides these occurrences being painful, they’re also rather alarming, aren’t they? Perhaps it’s because i haven’t been using my brain much lately. I really hope there isn’t anything wrong with my head. But it sure sounds like there is, right? How now brown cow? I have no idea! 

On to the next topic. My mother just ate up my last two Harrod’s Milk Chocolate Chunks Cookies. I’m extremely pissed. I can’t believe she ate them, especially since she’s the resident health freak in the building. Maybe she’s depressed or whatever. As far as i’m concerned, i think she ate them out of spite, just so i couldn’t have them. At first, she was only going to eat one, but since the last two were stuck together, she decided to have both of them. Ugh. I love those cookies. I know i said before that i live on the New Zealand cookies in my last post, but in fact, there are a few things that i survive on. Besides the cookies, i drink blood orange juice all the time now. For the record, i hate ordinary OJ, but i love blood orange juice. It’s much better. 

Since i’ve been so bored of late, i want to learn baking. But noone is willing to attend lessons with me. Same goes for kickboxing, and ballroom dancing. I don’t have a partner to dance with! What’s the harm in learning to bake? It’s all good. I could learn how to make macaroons! Glorious macaroons. Imagine the possibilities! Realistically though, i would have to work my way to be macaroon worthy. I’d first have to learn to crack a bloody egg before i can think of advancing to macaroon calibre. But i think i’m willing to learn, and with time i could totally kick ass in the egg-cracking department! 

I’m really ticked off that i can’t watch the third season of 30 Rock. It’s my favourite show on air now, and i’m so frustrated that i can’t find the third season!! Tina Fey is amazing. She’s so funny. So is Alec Baldwin, but Tina Fey does the writing and is therefore more amazing. And i can’t watch her. Bugger. Does that suck or what? 

I read The Kite Runner about two and a half times. It’s a remarkable book. No, i don’t think it’s overrated. It’s such a lovely, sad story, and i’m a sucker for those. I want to watch the movie! Currently, i’m reading Ben Elton’s Chart Throb. It’s a satire of American Idol and i think it’s hilarious. It exaggerates everything in the whole reality TV genre, and you begin to see how absurd and nonsensical it is. Nonetheless, American Idol remains my guilty pleasure – especially the auditions at the start of each run and Simon Cowell. They’re hysterical. 

I want to write my own book! I’ve always wanted to try it, but i don’t know if i have the perseverance to do so. I think it’d be such great fun. Except i have nothing for a plot. Fantastic.  

While fixing up a DIY box from IKEA, i sustained multiple paper cuts from cardboard. I suppose technically cardboard is a form of paper, but who knew you could get a paper cut from cardboard? I thought paper cut us only because it’s thin and the edges are somewhat sharp. And thin cardboard certainly is not. The only reason i’m not complaining more is that the box i fixed is delightful! I don’t actually know what i’m going to use it for, but i just have it because it’s pretty. Also, my fingers are plastered with foam band-aids of different colours. My hands look like pieces of art now. 

I had the most lip-smacking ice cream today. It was Baskin Robbins Cotton Candy. It makes me drool. It’s just divine. But beware of it if you don’t have a sweet tooth. 

Two of my favourite songs at the moment are both entitled Lost. One’s by Michael Buble and the other’s Coldplay’s. In truth, i only just realised this bit of trivia. I was slightly stunned by how slow i was, considering how the two songs have been on constant replay on my ipod. 

Well, i believe that’s pretty much all i’m thinking about now. All that and i’m really hungry. 

Till next time! 

Things really haven’t been going my way lately.

For starters, the Australian Open. I wanted Verdasco to beat Nadal so bad. Seriously, the guy deserves a break. He played superbly and they were absolutely on par with each other all the way, even through the fifth set. That’s saying so much, considering Verdasco’s number fourteen and Nadal’s number 1. Then my guy double faulted. I almost cried. I may even have had a little tear. He was so close. I could smell victory around the bend and then he made his fatal error. That was the semi-final. So i managed to forget about it and look forward to yesterday’s finals. Alas it was false hope i gave myself. Nadal beat Federer. I was hoping Federer would get his fourteenth grand slam so he could be right up there with Pete Sampras. But it wasn’t to be. At least not at this grand slam. I suppose there will always be more grand slams for him to win. And i’m confident he’ll reach his fourteenth. Go Roger! 

Secondly, my phone is psycho. I can’t use the 8 and 9 keys anymore. They just don’t register when i hit them. And i’m so sick of trying to paraphrase everything that i’m trying to say in a text message without using the letters t, u, v, w, x, y, and z. I can do the easy replies of course, like okay will become sure or fine but try paraphrasing THURSDAY. I can’t even say the fourth weekday. Freaking hell, it’s killing me. 

Plus, my reserves of favourite cookies from New Zealand are fast depleting. They’re the most toothsome stuff, i’ll tell you. They’re actually just ordinary cookies but they’re coated with pink icing and topped with rainbow hundreds and thousands. I’m salivating even as i’m typing this. It is addictive. I was totally out of control and i didn’t realise i was slowly but very surely exhausting my supply. I blame this on the new packaging. It’s now packaged in those resealable ziplock baggies that you can’t see the bottom of, and i always assume there’s an endless supply because, ridiculously, i actually do believe it’s bottomless. And then i peer into the precious bag and… Woe is me! Grief overcomes me. Oh woe betide! I literally gasped and gaped in horror. I saw the sad reality that i could count the remaining cookies with my two hands. So i embarked on my mission to ration my supplies of this glorious food and only eat it when i absolutely must. It was going well until some visitors discovered them in my secret (well obviously, not so secret anymore) place where i stowed it away. And they didn’t ask. Damage done was a heart-stopping total of four cookies. Yes, it sounds petty. But now i can count the remaining cookies on ONE hand! I shan’t divulge who the damage-doer is. It’s not her fault. She didn’t know i practically live on the stuff. Oh, who am i kidding? Hell yeah, i hold a grudge. But only until i forget it, which is pretty much after this venting episode here. See, i’m already a happier person now. 

But wait till you hear what happened to my ipod!! It doesn’t work properly anymore because, wait for it, it fell into the bloody toilet. I kid you not. The touchscreen is malfunctioning and the screen looks like it has water inside it, and of course it does. It’s already an improvement, seeing as how i couldn’t even get it on for a while and i had to resort to blow-drying it. Now i can proudly say that i have joined the ranks of the utterly domestic and have fished around the inside of a toilet. ‘Tis a strange (and totally absolutely unquestionably undoubtedly 100% gross) feeling, really. Although, it did make me feel like i could conquer the world and do anything. I stuck my hand in the freaking toilet. Beat that! Now that should totally up my street cred. And in case you were wondering, there wasn’t anything in the toilet. Of course there wasn’t. I’m not an unsanitary savage, you know. I wouldn’t have gone on my valiant plunge of a rescue mission otherwise. But see, i don’t have a back-up plan now. My white nano and only viable option for a back-up was lent to Mark Cheng before the exams and he still has it. And even then, i don’t think i could use it since he said there’s something wrong with it now. Not that i blame him. My black nano doesn’t work anymore. And then my mini just might work, if i could just get it to register on my computer. Right now, i plug it in and nothing pops up on the desktop or in my itunes. Then my shuffle actually does work, except i can’t find the blasted wire to connect it to my computer. (Granted, i probably wouldn’t use my shuffle anyway because i find it annoying that i can’t see the song that i’m choosing and i have to memorise the order in which i have arranged my songs to select a song. Why go through such an ordeal to listen to a song? Isn’t it supposed to be a pleasurable experience? Plus, the novelty and spontaneity of hearing two completely different songs from genres that totally do not complement each other play back-to-back wears off after a while.) And i can’t find my photo or my video. Which is just stellar. I know the photo was somewhere on the top of some cupboard somewhere in the house but it isn’t anywhere to be found now. I can’t remember the last time i saw the video. You’d think i could use at least one of my ipods! That’s all i’m asking for. Is that too hard? My ipods hate me. It’s like they’re forming an alliance against me. It’s almost like they want to fall into the toilet. 

And the worst part of it all: I can’t listen to music to soothe me when misery decides to wreck my day. I can’t even wallow in self-pity without my music. I don’t have any cookies for comfort food. I don’t even have a text messaging function to bitch about having things to bitch about in the first place.

Oh well, c’est la vie. I’ll just have to wait till things take a turn for the better then. 

Meanwhile, go ahead and have a laugh at my circumstances, you sadistic dingbats. I’ll admit they are quite humourous, albeit in a perversely warped way. At least something good comes out of this. 

Admittedly, i am slightly odd at times. One day, I wondered why. This is what i could think of: 

a) When i was a kid, i fell right on my head while attempting to jump rope. I was knocked out (i think). It really was a blur and i don’t remember lots, just that i wound up in the doctor’s office. Well, i suppose if i really did remember more, that would mean i wasn’t knocked out? I think. This concussion could have seriously impaired the normal cranial faculties that i rightfully had.

b) I have eaten silica gel ball things. Yes, the things that they put in the little bags and label them ‘DO NOT EAT’. I’m pretty sure stuff like that messes with one’s head. I shall succumb to my sloth and copy a whole chunk that i wrote on the crapbag blog:

I NEED HELP!!!

I have just eaten a silica gel ball thing by accident! You know those things that keep the food dry? I really hope i don’t die. It was in my broccoli and i suddenly bit into something crispy. I know it’s the balls because there were two other of the round things in my dish. HOW!! I thought it was salt because we use the seawater salt so it kind of is crispy too and kind of looks like the gell ball things. Oh My Gosh! Help me! I don’t know how many i ate! Just know i love you all very much should something untoward happen to me. I am serious. Really, i’m not joking.

You really have NO IDEA how NOT joking i was.

c) As suggested by Lianglin, i could also be the way i am because i POSSIBLY (really, this is only a hypothesis) consume ant poison by accident. Right, so i’m assuming most people know what ant poison looks like. But for the benefit of those who don’t, they basically look like little breadcrumbs. That’s probably why they work. One sprinkles it on the table and it fools the ants into thinking it’s really food and then they eat it and it’s their last meal? I don’t know. But then again, it might not actually work at all, considering the curious multitude of ants my house is still swarmed with in spite of the poison. Also considering how i eat it and i’m still in the pink of health. God forbid i go to the doctor one day and he tells me i’m rotting inside. Anyway, i probably have eaten the poison before. You know when you eat something so darn good, you just want to savour every little crumb you can get out of it? Kind of like KFC’s finger lickin’ good? Except i’m not exactly crazy about their food. But for other stuff, like macaroons or cupcakes, etc. And you know how you inevitably, although probably not as often as me, drop some crumbs on the countertop and deem it such a waste if you don’t eat it? Yes, that’s what happens to me on an almost daily basis. I think you can see where this is going. I eat near where the poison is sprinkled and drop my most precious and most palatable crumbs. When i finish eating, i spot the crumbs on the table and foolishly go ‘Oh joy!! There’s more!!’. I then proceed to dot my finger on all of the ‘crumbs’ – some of them really being crumbs and others not so edible – and place them in my mouth for what i presume to be safe consumption. There. That’s basically it. Shucks, this is a little gross i realise. I don’t know if after writing this, i will actually stop this ridiculous practice, but i shall endeavour to.

d) Maybe i’m the way i am because of my ear-cleaning habits. After my showers, i usually take Q-tips and dry out my ears because i can’t stand the feeling of water in them. I’m thinking perhaps i stick the Q-tip in too far and it penetrates some natural boundary that’s supposed to protect the inside of your ear? This could be quite probable. I came up with this theory yesterday because i’ve been feeling vertigo a lot of late. So i put my trusty old google-ing skills to good use and googled the causes of vertigo. Lo and behold, a common cause is an inner ear infection. Imagine my shock and horror, especially since my ears have been feeling rather out of sorts lately. I panicked. I went to about 15 pages regarding this inner ear infection. Apparently, there’s this thing in the ear called the labyrinth and it controls your sense of balance. Hence, the vertigo. So this got me thinking. If my Q-tip can penetrate all the way to the labyrinth, i’m sure it must be able to cause some kind of brain damage or upset. Bugger. Wait, the labyrinth IS probably the brain already. Oh right, and if you’re reading this and every time you see the word ‘vertigo’ you think of the U2 song, you’re not alone! Well, it’s either this Q-tip thing or there are little worms living in my ipod headphones and they crawl out into my ears and up into my brain everytime i plug them in. YUCK. I wish i didn’t think of that. Moving swiftly along…

e) I am what i eat. Good grief. Even i can’t believe the stock of food there is in my house. It’s a health freak shangri-la. Where do i even begin? How about with nayonnaise (no that was most definitely not a typo) and peanut butter which separates into a layer of oil and a layer of pure peanut when left long enough? If i haven’t already grumbled to you in person about nayonnaise, here’s what it is. It’s the counterfeit of the real deal: Mayonnaise.  This monstrous mimicry of the authentic sauce is made entirely from soy. Isn’t that just insane? How the hell could one possibly make mayonnaise out of soy? It’s beyond me really. I guess that’s just it. It isn’t mayonnaise. It’s Nayonnaise. The ersatz mayonnaise. I just think the commercial for it would be hilarious. Like you know if you go to the States or the UK, you have the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter margarine? I imagine it would be something along those lines. ‘I can’t believe it’s not mayonnaise!’. Ugh. Thankfully, this farcical bogus creation isn’t nearly as well-known as the margarine. Now on to the peanut butter. The reason it separates into layers is because this special kind i have lacks stabilisers. It’s some chemical they add to it to keep the normal peanut butter from separating. I also eat lots of other weird forgeries of real food, along with wheatgerm and chlorophyll and all that jazz. Maybe all this different stuff i eat makes me different from other people, resulting in the illusion of oddness. Yes it sounds silly, but really, you are what you eat!

f) My shampoo and soap lack sodium lauryl sulphate (i think that’s how you spell it). Aside from the cranberry body shop stuff i use on the sly, my usual shampoo is apricot flavoured, while my body soap is either aloe vera or lavender flavoured. If you didn’t know, which is most likely the case (even i wouldn’t know this if i didn’t share the house with paranoid health freakos), sodium lauryl sulphate is the thing that makes your soap all foamy. And it’s supposedly oncogenic. Don’t get me wrong, i have absolutely no problem with using soaps that are free from this, but i’m just thinking maybe one does need a certain amount of cancer-causing sodium lauryl sulphate to keep one sane.

g) Another incident when i was a kid. During one of those swimming lessons, i was being trained to take the Gold test. I know noone ever sees me swim, but i can in fact, and i used to be pretty good at it, mind you. Well, remember those nonsensical swimming tests during which they make you swim in your jammies and then strip underwater so that voila! you have a bizarre Y-shaped floating device that’s somehow going to save your life when your ship capsizes in the middle of nowhere? Alas, you might not even be wearing your jammies should this unfortunate event befall you! So would i drown if i happened to be wearing a dress? I sure hope not. Actually, it’s almost certain that one would not in fact be wearing pyjamas since who on earth does wear them anymore? (Well, i for one do. But noone else does. I’m odd, remember? That’s the whole point of this post.) Okay, well i was in the process of taking off my PJ top, but the trouble was that it wasn’t the button down kind of jammies. It was the buttonless pull-it-over-your-head jammies. So the top was wet obviously and i attempted to pull it over my head. And it stuck. While plastered over my head. I know, genius. You see, the top was wet and therefore i couldn’t breathe through it. This resulted in my brief suffocation. Thank goodness for the swimming coach who saw this and came to my rescue and pulled the top off of my head. Of course, not before i sustained some brain damage. Lack of oxygen tends to do that, you know. And i evidently did have a lack of it, no matter for how short a moment it lasted.

h) MAYBE I’M NOT THAT ODD. Maybe all of you are the odd ones! Ever thought of that? You could just as well think i’m odd if you were the real odd ones and i were the real not odd one. Make sense? And maybe i just listed all these reasons for nothing, since i’m not so odd after all!

Okay, that was all i could think of to explain my oddness. That was insanely long, now wasn’t it? Well, the whole purpose of this is so that you will know this: Think before you call me odd the next time. It’s really not my fault. I’m a hapless victim of my own circumstances. I can’t help it. Thank you for your kind understanding. And my most sincere congratulations for making it to the end!

i helped nicole start this blog. it’s prettty 🙂

-eliza

Indeed, thank you sincerely eliza,  for starting my blog. Do, however, note that should this be the cause of future upsets in my academic career, i shall still most heartily, of course, thank you. But it IS a pretty blog, isn’t it? That’s the crapbag gang on top! (or part of us – there’s a few not in the photo, sorry!) I think we should get tattoos, you know. That’d be so cool. 

Oh yes, lifesapicNIC, get it? That’s me! For the benefit of the dense, (namely, ALESSAPANG), i have to explain my choice of name. Well, i suppose it mightn’t be that easy to figure out. Oh i can’t change it anymore anyway. And of course, it doesn’t hurt either that the name of the blog sounds rather philosophical. It might even give people the impression that i’m deep and i do nothing here but muse theoretically about life. I regret to inform you that what i write here will most certainly not be up to par if your expectations are such. I really don’t have a bloody clue what’s supposed to go into a blog. So pardon me if it’s substandard. I suppose i should be glad it’s January 1st 2009 today. That’s a starting point for a blog! So here goes nothing:

It is now 2009! Go figure. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

Many many happy returns to everybody and let’s all hope, that this year’s going to be a zillionmillionkatrillion times better than last year! (which really is hardly a mile out the ballpark, taking into account the little thing i encountered last year called the A levels) So really, things are looking up! All fine and dandy here. And while many around me have been telling me of their resolutions for this year, i shall have to report that, unlike them, i don’t have any. I am now among the mediocrity that is the resolution-less. (Well, not that i’ve ever truly been otherwise.) I hope to God i‘ll figure out something i want to get out of this year, preferably before the end of it. I’m sure i will. Gee, it’s rather strange referring to what’s been known as ‘next year’ for so long as ‘this year’ and what’s been known as ‘this year’ for so long as ‘last  year’. I’m slightly confused (as are you probably), but you get my drift i’m sure.

Today is also the EIGHTH day of christmas. Only four more days left of yuletide glee. Please please don’t let it run out. Pretty please! I’ve had so many Christmases and still the end of it leaves me utterly and hopelessly bereaved every time. I’m left to mourn amid the aftermath, although admittedly post-Christmas sales do provide a tiny little bit of consolation. Anyway, in an attempt to be grateful, i had the most splendid Christmas day this year, well i mean LAST year. See, i proved my point about referring to this and that. I bet you would’ve said that. (as an aside, i’ve always thought that the typing-something-out-and-then-striking-it-out-like-people-can’t- see-it-but-in-fact-can thing is funny but this really does illustrate my point nicely) Yes, i really should stick to what i’m trying to say here. Oh dear, i’m so much better at talking than doing this. In any case, i had most palatable turkey this year. It was the best one yet! Not to forget the ham, which was delectable too, of course. The turkey still takes the cake though. Well duh, i can have ham any time i want in a sandwich, can’t i? I had lots of presents too, all of which i’m very thankful for. See, i’m not such a horrible ingrate after all, now am i? But what i absolutely loved about this Christmas was the company, undoubtedly. It doesn’t get much better at all than my favourite people in the world besides Meryl Streep, Hugh Grant, George Clooney, Oprah, Wentworth Miller, Marc Jacobs, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, etc (now i’m just pushing it, aren’t i?) and some dear others i’m still missing right now, gathered around scrumptious food and presents. To make a long story short: I LOVE CHRISTMAS. Surprise of the century.

even my dog loves christmas (:

the best christmas food ever: turkey, ham, beef wellington, and dom perignon

I actually youtubed how to upload photos on to your blog. Is that pathetic or is that pathetic?

Sorry friends, I need to stop ranting. And i need to go out now. My irritating friends are bugging me. I need to wrap this up. NOW! Even i’m getting annoyed with myself. This is what happens when i have to type what i’d usually say.  STOP IT NIC!! 

So i’ve finally gotten a blog. And about five years too late. Maybe six. It IS the new year now. Better late than never, i suppose. It’s so exciting but i don’t actually know if this is going to be sustainable, considering how much time i’ve already spent on this, how even now, i’m still yakking away, and how i’ve never ever been able to keep a diary. It’s worth a shot though. Maybe a diary sans the paper and pen might, in fact, work for me. 

Till next time! (if there is one, that is)

PS. I miss you V, come home to me already!! 

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